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Maine Senate Primary Drinking Gang

2012 Maine Senate Primary Campaign Drinking Game!

It’s gonna be a long race, we may need some sustenance to get through this. So next debate, forum or hand shake opportunity, grab a stiff drink (coffee or coffee brandy, it doesn’t matter) and sip along. We are all in this together.

This is all in good fun, and we encourage everyone to add to the list and hope the candidates will drink along. (We really do respect and love all the candidates. Well, except for you Bruce. We’ve got our eyes on you! Seriously…just release your campaign finance report!) And please, drink responsibly. It is never OK to drink and drive or to vote under the influence.

Love,
Matthea and Kippy

TO PREPARE:
Go online and watch a video or listen to audio of one of the events that has taken place so far. By all means, we encourage you to go to an event! But it would be rude to stage a drinking game at the rear of any public affair. Having said that, if you do manage to pull it off in public, please try and film it and share the results. (To be honest, we’re probably there with you. Just ask us to stop filming the candidates and to turn around….)

Assemble a group of friends for the occasion with your favorite beverages of choice (again, lemonade works fine—it’s the spirit of camaraderie that matters here not the spirits themselves!) If you cannot all be together, we suggest texting, tweeting, conference calls or skype to connect. Every year we play the State of the Union drinking game with friends across the country, and it is remarkably satisfying (an unlimited texting plan may be needed, trust me).

If you want to play live, follow our tweets of events at: @growingupjulia or @kippyrudy

Optional item: Bring your personal copy of the US Constitution, which most of the Senate candidates claim to carry on them at all times!  We suggest getting a laminated waterproof copy to survive the duration of the campaign season.

Bill Schneider and Matt Dunlap kicking back after a long debate

Bill Schneider and Matt Dunlap kicking back after a long debate

TO PLAY:
We begin by toasting our dear Senator Olympia; all together now, “Thank you for serving so long and boy, are we going to miss you!”

Make sure everyone has copies of the Cues list below and take a drink every time one of the cues occurs.

TO WIN:
If you reach the end of the event, and have still not curled up in a fetal position, and you actually know for whom you will cast your vote, you win!

If you reach the end and are convinced to run as an Independent for US Senate or to launch a write-in campaign, you automatically LOSE.

Then make sure you go vote in the Primary on June 12. [click here for polling locations]

CUES, TAKE ONE DRINK WHEN:

  • Charlie Summers goes on for more than 60 seconds, gets off message, and begins to contradict what he said earlier in the day. (lean forward, and take a sip.)
  • Cynthia Dill reminds you that she does in fact have ovaries, and she is not afraid to use them.
  • Angus King mentions laptops, wind energy or the good old days with Jesse Ventura. (If you don’t know what this means, then you weren’t around when Angus was governor.)
  • Scott D’Amboise mentions hunting or the second amendment or that he was the only Republican with the courage to challenge Olympia.
  • You realize that Matt Dunlap is the only Democrat running who is from outside of the first congressional district (ie “Portland!”)
  • Rick Bennett tries to convince you that it’s OK to be sort of moderate on some issues, really, and you are left wanting to give him a hug and tell him there’s no shame in being sane.
  • Bruce Poliquin mentions defending the constitution (but not the state one he has been violating).
  • You begin fanaticizing about Andrew Ian Dodge and Oscar Wilde having drinks together at the Savoy.

    Andrew Ian Dodge enjoying a drink with Oscar Wilde

    Andrew Ian Dodge enjoying a drink with Oscar Wilde

  • Steve Woods mentions the Red Claws and you wish you were watching a game with him rather than watching the debate (and he still manages to sounds like the most reasonable person on stage).
  • Bill Schneider says something macho (jumping out of planes, special forces, West Point…) and makes all the other candidates look like a bunch of wussies.
  • Jon Hinck looks like he is trying to keep himself from banging his head against the desk/wall and you want to offer to buy him a drink to make it better.
  • Debra Plowman re-writes women’s history.
  • Charlie Summers mentions American exceptionalism or some other reference to “what’s good for America is good for the world.”
  • Bruce Poliquin says he is the only conservative with a proven record even though he has never been elected to any office in a popular election.
  • Matt Dunlap rolls his eyes, sighs, or makes some other absurd facial gesture (or plays with an electronic device) during the remarks of an opponent.
  • Andrew Ian Dodge defines the word “libertarian.”
  • You read a tweet by King Angus III and wish he were running for office.
  • You listen to Charlie Summers and wonder if it’s hard for him to remember which office he is running for this time.
  • Andrew Ian Dodge makes you wish he would write a science fiction novel based on the Senate campaign.
  • Debra Plowman is beginning to remind you of Herman Cain.
  • Charlie Summers flashes that winning Ken Doll smile. Sooooo dreamy…. (wait, what was he saying?)
  • Bill Schneider mentions how and why he will defeat the forces of evil, I mean Obamacare.

    I bet even Ronald Reagan would have needed a drink after this primary!

    I bet even Ronald Reagan would have needed a drink after this primary!

  • Bruce Poliquin tries to convince you that by weakening the Maine State Housing Authority he is helping the homeless.
  • Cynthia Dill mentions unions.
  • You are at a GOPforME forum and Phil Harriman asks a new question for once…
  • Debra Plowman reminds us that she has been fighting the “good fight” since the early 1990s.
  • You want to convince Steve Woods to speak up and hire a campaign staff.
  • Benjamin Pollard says something to suggest that organic local farming is an alternative to the Affordable Healthcare Act.
  • Andrew Ian Dodge shows up wearing a tie.
  • Right now you would pay to see Cynthia Dill defend birth control from Debra Plowman in a fight in front of Planned Parenthood.
  • You want to remind Bruce Poliquin that the last time he ran for office he came in 6th out of 7 candidates, but out spent his opponents by thousands (how’s that for fiscally conservative, Bruce?).

WATERFALL!! (JUST DOWN THE WHOLE DRINK) IF:

  • Bill Schneider departs from the Conservative agenda.
  • Cynthia Dill departs from the Progressive agenda.
  • Bruce Poliquin ever answers a question.
  • Bruce or Angus even show up.
  • You fully understand why Chellie Pingree, Mike Michaud, John Baldacci and Kevin Raye were smart enough to stay out of this race.
  • You want to forget the whole thing and wish you could just convince Olympia to stay.
Poliquin, Steve Woods, Jon Hinck and Scott D'Amboise enjoying a strong whiskey on the rocks.

Poliquin, Steve Woods, Jon Hinck and Scott D’Amboise enjoying a strong whiskey on the rocks.

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